Ever realize that adults communicate with teenagers almost exclusively through questions? It’s boring. And annoying. And then they wonder why their kids or students or therapy clients don’t want to talk with them. But what’s worse is that it’s the teen who is then blamed for being “uncommunicative” or avoiding contact. “Oh, she’s fifteen, of course she isn’t gonna want to talk with me…” is what the adult says.
Maybe it’s time for us to re-examine our cultural narrative about adolescence — you know, the one that says teenagers are the primary source of tensions in adult~teen relationships. Maybe it’s time for us to look at *our* role in some of the problems. Are we defensive? Sarcastic? Overly critical (followed by the line about “just trying to be helpful”)? Do we hijack conversations in order to make a point? Say we’re listening while scrolling on our phones? Teenagers want a connection with adults and especially with their parents. What can we do to make it more inviting, more respectful, more relevant? After all, when you have a fixed and widely accepted explanation for the behavior of others, you really don’t have to reflect on your own.