There’s a difference between talking about problems and talking about how to get over those problems. When we don’t recognize the difference between these two, we’re likely to pounce on stuff our young clients bring up in session but aren’t ready to “work on.” It happens all the time — stuff just slips out, they’re testing the waters. Sometimes it’s even a proprietary thing: Hey therapist, keep your grubby hands off of my problem.
But by “unhitching” the act of talking about problems from actively doing something about them, we free up our clients to talk about anything they might want to without worrying about having “committed” to some kind of change. Teenagers need a place where they can think out loud and trust that their ideas and opinions won’t be immediately dismantled in favor of a more “logical” choice or a more “healthy” line of thinking.
When we as therapists (or parents) give them that space, they’re able to relax into a conversation where they’re less self-conscious and less guarded. Those bigger, broader conversations are beautiful, and rich with opportunities for both self-discovery and a therapist’s thoughtful interventions.
We say all the time that we want our teen clients to talk with us, but if all we do is rush in to fix things, well, fuggetaboutit.